By: Mugwort

Ever since I can remember I have always had a hunger to understand how everything around me works. From the simplest of tasks to the most intricate objective. I’ve always been fascinated by them and how in many instances you can tie them together. That in my opinion is the beginning spark of what we refer to as wisdom, the ability to have insight on scenarios or instances based on a collective knowledge of experience or study. This sounds amazing if you have a curious mind but the thing they never foretell are the potential negatives that come along with it.

I’m not saying that the quest for more knowledge and understanding isn’t a great pursuit full of new discoveries that are amazing along the way. But what happens in turn is a personal solitude nobody talks about when you remove the mystical unknown. As many times has happened in my own personal experience, the mystical is often times replaced with mundane truth accompanied by occasional or blatant lie. Stating this I by no means consider myself intellectually qualified to speak on this in a true academic sense or even philosophical depth to speak on truths. But simply want to try and give an explanation of my experiences so far on a path that has finite reward in an infinite game.

I have come to realize that many things I see others receive enjoyment or disappointment from, I simply do not share the same. Many times this response put plainly is that in my perception of this person surprised or triggered with an emotional response, already had a predetermined outcome based upon the variables that were in place. The only difference often times is the persons understanding of the variables and the outcomes they can produce. This is where wisdom becomes more relevant in day to day practice as it provides insight into others understandings. These moments are when I realize the solitude in seeking wisdom that nobody really talks about.

The solitude begins here, as you have a decision to make in these instances. You have the option that to many times to count I have been victim of, which is giving the person an unprovoked explanation of why the outcome occurred and what the precursors were. Secondly, you have the option to remain silent and not concern yourself with others understanding unless asked your opinion. For the large majority of my life up until now I have been pursuing the first option provided. But now reflecting back I cannot recollect any instances where this has really helped me or the other parties. The only times I can remember where benefit was gained by the usage of oxygen, were times the explanation or advice was given to someone who asked without it just being said unprovoked.

This is I believe when a person on the path of acquiring wisdom begins to recluse. It’s the time when you become aware that the majority of people don’t want to hear your thoughts or explanation of an event as they are content with their own understanding whether right or wrong. I’m also not saying that with this awareness you just simply stop talking to others without being asked. But more simply you become more cognizant of where the insight will merit the most impact. This awareness I have noticed at least personally for me, comes from when I have spoken on precursors that are aligning and potential outcomes that could occur with no action taken. When no action towards resolving a predefined issue and the recipients of the predictive outcome acts surprised. It is a deeply felt irritant for me and for that I don’t know why I allow it to have begun nor continue. Being able to state that I don’t know why I have allowed this emotional response to occur and why I continue to allow it, is due to the understanding now of granting others the ability to control my emotions. I would ask the reader to reflect on if you too have experienced this same response in your own personal life and often times wish you would’ve never said anything at all.

I have recently begun to notice in my daily life the things that I allow to control my emotions that honestly I have no control over. With this understanding comes another stage of solitude in wisdom, due to detaching from things that you have no control over. I believe this stage is currently where I am, just honestly don’t know how far in and in truth I don’t believe this stage ever ends. This recently became prevalent in my own life when I began allowing a repeat of a former action that caused anxiety In my life, that I already know the expected outcome so why let it repeat. This emotional response arose from my workplace that all to many of us state is all we do and with it carries heavy emotional attachment. But at the source of truth, is it really my problem to worry about? I say this not as a rally cry for anarchy in the workplace, it simply is the easiest to correlate the topic against for the majority of people. But put simply would ask how much of your emotional integrity do you hand to your workplace, people, sports teams, etc. that for majority of people do not have a say in it’s grand scheme?

The detachment stage has proven to be the hardest to navigate as it brings perspective with awareness. This for me has brought to light many hard truths about myself both personally and in life goals. It has brought most to light personally that I enjoy creating and though I have tried many different mediums and muses for the creation, I still haven’t chosen the definite. But then I am often terrified of if the definite medium with muse should ever arise. It could be the beginning of the demise to the infinite game. This is an example of a personal struggle with the detachment stage to show that it can and will form in many different ways.

But I will say that through the areas I have been able to begin the detachment process. A piece of inner strength and comfort is restored that is very difficult to describe. To try and put into words the feeling, I would state that I am able to perform the activity at a higher level without the burden of emotional attachment. This I believe is the stage I am progressing towards which will be the solitude in difference of severity with others. With all that has been said, I have enjoyed and look forward to the path I have been on as it requires many inner discussions and questioning with one’s self. One of, if not the most challenging aspects to this path is becoming comfortable in only discussing topics or issues with yourself and often times about yourself. For who better to know genuinely and be on good terms with in life, than the only person you were born and are guaranteed to die with. Yourself.